Family Pressure for International Students
For many of you, coming to the U.S. to study brings honor to your family. Yet, at the same time you may also shoulder a lot of expectations and pressure from them. Recognizing where this stress comes from and approaching it proactively is important to your overall sense of well-being.
Recognizing The Pressure
As an international student, you will often feel pressure in many aspects of your life. The pressure international students feel from their families could be for several reasons and learning where and why you receive this pressure is an important step in dealing with the anxiety you may feel from it.
Pressure From Social Status
The social status your family holds in your community back home can be a source of pressure from your family. Social status can refer to the level of competence and respect your family receives from others in your community. When someone in the family comes to the U.S. for advanced education, it may project a family image of good parenting, willingness to invest in their children, and continued advancement in social standing.
Pressure of this sort is oftentimes invisible to your family members because they may not be aware of it or they may be approaching your education like how other parents in the community approach their children’s. Yet, shouldering the expectations of the entire family can often take a toll on our well-being and make us wonder “Am I making this much effort for myself or it’s mostly to make my parents happy?”
Pressure To Do Better
Although the pressure from social status might sometimes be invisible and indirect, the pressure to do better tends to be a more vocalized pressure from family members. The reputation that education has for most international students is high because parents often think their children can “always” achieve better grades, find a better job , and just do better.
An international student I work with recently found a summer internship at a large company in NY after a long, stressful struggle. She was excited to share the news with her parents back home, hoping they would feel proud of her and recognize her achievement. Instead, her excitement was met with “Why don’t you try to find something in a bigger, internationally known company, such as XXX?”
Unfortunately, a response like this from parents is actually quite common for many international students I work with. They enter a conversation with their parents looking for reassurance and recognition but often end up feeling discouraged and not good enough.
Pressure From Financial Support
Many international students may be receiving financial support from their family back home. Knowing your family has put a financial stake into your educational success can make it feel even more necessary to do well in school and in the U.S.
The financial support you receive can be a gateway to the pressures you feel in other aspects of your journey as an international student. When your family financially supports your education, it can bring pressures into your social or personal life, making it difficult to develop an independent identity and create a life aligned with your own desires.
Managing Family Pressure
International students under a lot of pressure from parents often try to avoid calling back home as they worry their parents would overwhelm them with questions about school and demands for them to do well.
While it may seem easier to just limit communication with your family, it can be a good opportunity to take a more active stance when having phone calls with them.
I encourage you to take the lead in setting up a call schedule with your family/parents where you can show interest in their life back home, how they are taking care of themselves, etc. Depending on their level of openness to new things and ideas, you may want to share with them your growth and things you are learning in the U.S. It may also help your parents better understand your experience in the U.S. as an international student by sharing a little bit of challenges you are facing and letting them know how you’d like them to support you.
About The Author
Many years ago I came to the U.S. from Taiwan and studied in a field that rarely accepted “fresh off the boat” international students from non-English speaking countries. I’m Dr. Vivi Hua, Psy.D. and I help international students navigate the cross-cultural aspects of their experience in the U.S., so they can succeed academically and socially and build a life and career that they desire!